Author: Nam Joon Kim

Mean Gene – Commissioner Kim, I am here to ask you the question that everyone has been clamoring for the answer to since last week’s broadcast. Who will face the team of the Perfect Show for the World Tag Team Championships?

Commissioner Kim — SBW is proud to announce that the team of Hulk Hogan and the Undertaker has been sanctioned to compete against the Perfect Show.

Hulk Hogan — What is SBW gonna do when Hulk Hogan and the Undertaker run wild over all the competition in the tag team division?

The Undertaker — I can’t wait to add some new souls to my collection.

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Big Show — What are you going to do when you face somebody you can’t just muscle around, Hogan?

Hogan — Listen brother, all the hulkamaniacs out there are going to run wild through the streets celebrating when I pull the curtains on this show. The police better get the barricades up to contain the celebrations from my hulkamaniacs when the Undertaker and the Hulkster win the World Tag Team Championship.

Mr. Perfect — I have the perfect funeral planned for you. The dead will stay dead this time.

Undertaker — Here lies the end of Perfect Show. I promise that you will rest in peace after we bury you.

*******

Hart – I like how you waited until today to reveal the Perfect Show’s opponents. You like mystery? You want suspense? Just wait until you see who shows up to watch your match. Whoever wins won’t be champ for long because my Hart Foundation will be coming for those belts.

Long – Holla, Holla, Holla cause you have forgotten about Harlem Heat. Who has Hogan and Undertaker beaten to deserve this title opportunity?

Commissioner Kim – We will talk about who will face the World Tag Team Champions after the title match, my friends. This is not the time for such negotiations, and I do not appreciate this grandstanding.

Young – The winner of this match will face Big E for the United State Championship in two seeks on SBW’s television broadcast.

Studd — I’ve slayed giants with these big hands.

Samoa Joe — I’m not interested in the past. All that matters is the present. And the present I’m going to give to you is the precious gift of sleep. When you wake up, your nightmare will be over because you’ll be done wrestling me.

Kim — You cost me a shot at the title, Queenie. I can’t change that. But I can change what you look like with my fists. Will your daddy still love you when you aren’t a pretty, pretty princess?

Charlotte — This woman isn’t a princess. This woman is a queen. Look at me. I just might be the last thing you ever see. Woooooo!

Hawkins — Last week didn’t work out like I wanted it to, but I know this week will be different.

Anderson— It’ll be different because I wasn’t the one beating you last week. It’ll be different because I’ll be the one beating you this time.

Hawkins — That’s not what I meant.

Anderson — It doesn’t matter what you meant, son. The only thing that matters is that you need to come to terms with the fact that you are going to lose another match. The only thing that’s up in the air is how long it takes me to whip you and whether you stumble out or are carried out when I am done with you.

Macho Man — First name Macho. Last name Man. Macho Man. See?  Two names. Why do you only have one, brother? What is a Rusev?

Lana — All you need to know is that Rusev means “winner.”

Rusev — Every day is Rusev Day because Rusev is a winner every day.

Macho Man — Rusev Day? I’ve never heard of that holiday. And, brother, Rusev can’t mean winner cause the only one winning anything in our match is first name Macho, last name Man. Macho Man. Oooooh yeahhhhh!